Juss Stuffz

Sorry Iz Been Gone So Long…

Me an Cat Mama been bizee wit summer nappin. Itz veree important to get naps in summer cuz itz so hot and we go FUR U NOE! So we sleepz all the day xsept at nite and reelee earlee in da mornin when we runz aroun a lot. The Peeples don like that too much, cuz dey alwayz sleepin wen we runnin arownz, and busee wen we sleepin! Wats up wit dat?

Peeples is weerd.

Anywayz, besidez da nappin, summer iz fun cuz of all da BUGS! We got dis window in da basement (Peeple Mama callz it da pit) where I gardz da bak yard wen i not sleepin. Peeple Mama callz dat winnow da wun wit da “g*ddam screen” cuz me an Cat Mama alwayz pullin at it. DATZ CUZ OF DA BUGZ! The get in threw the winnow, an day’r de kewl onez dat hop arown all over the plase. So me an Cat Mama likez playin wit dem, and den sometimez we eatz dem. Der’z da usual leggy bugz and flyin bugs and stinky bugz too. De g*ddamn screen is a gud place to watch da birdeez and da squrrels and CHIPMUNK!!!! I hatez chimpunkz, and da g*ddam screen a gud plase to keep an eye on der EBIL PLANZ.

Oh, wun nite der was dis thing Peeple Mama called a racoon dat lookd like a reely fat cat, an it was stannin on top of da birdie feedie thing, jus lookin at me! I howled and howled and tryed to jump thru the g*ddam screen like a BILLION timez but I cuddn’t get thru. Da rakoon finally runned away. THEN my arch nemisis DAT BLAK KAT started commin RITE UP TO MY HOWSE, like THREE TIMEZ, an wonse he even CAME UP TO DA G*DDAM SCREEN TO LOOK INTO THE PIT! U better beleeve I wuznt havin any of DAT! So I tryed to jump thru da screen again, an I hissd and I growld and I howld but it still dint work. At least DAT BLAK KAT got da message after dat an started goin thru the bak of da yard agin and stayin away from MA HOWSE.

See, I’m a gud guard cat. Datz ma job.

Anyway, it’z gettin hot, so I better get to sleep. Laterz!

Elsie

Pee Ess: I know I gotta change mah banner thingy. Hooz got da time?

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De Mowsiez Ishu.

Itz gettin cold, soz the mowsiez (aka mices) gettin in da howse agin. Dey smelli and skweeki, but deyr ma fabrit toyz to playz wit. I gotz speshul spotz I wachez wayr I noz dey goz, likez ober da big skwayr rolli bumpi tings da ppls put der skinz in. (I dunno wy. Itz jus lyk howz dey don kleen demselbs by likkin deyr fur witz deyr tungs. IT DON MAYKZ NO SENS!) Neewayz, wen I sitz on da shelf ober the rolly clunki tings, da mowsies go by ober ma hed. So I pullz dem down and go YAYZ! cuz I lykez ta playz wit da mowsies I cachez!

Derez anodder plase in da room were da fyrbox is, WAY up on top of da big ting dat look lik a canz wit hawt waterz in it, an da mowsies run up der too so wen ders a fyr in da cold tym I canz go in der and cach dem.

So nywayz, de udder nitz I waz on top of da clunky rolli bumpi ting an I GODDED A BIGG HEWG MOWSIE! I MEEN LYK DA BIGGES MOWSIE I EBBER SEEN! So I jumpz down to playz wit it, an it godded awayz, but den I cowt it agin, and den MP saw mee an did dat passib abbresib ting she duz wer she goez all “GOOD GIRL! DROPZ IT! OKAY, GOOD GIRL! GOOD HUNTER! NOW LET IT GO!”

An she chaysez mee all arownd and trys to cach me, and da first tym dat happen I tink, “Oh yay, Momma Person lyks ta playz wit mowsies too!” BUT SHE TOTEZ DUZNT! You no wha she duz? SHE LETZ DEM GO! She taykz dem outsidez and if dey dint go all stillz wile we was playin, she letz em goz, but if dey went all ded wen we wuz playin, she BERRIES DEM. WHY UD U BERRY A PURRFEKLY GUD MOWSIE!? Eben if it no goodz fur playin anymorez, u can still EATZ IT. Sheesh.

So I caches dis big fat mowsie, and MP jumps up and duz her Pass-Agg ting and chasez me arownd, but I NOT LETTIN HER HAZ MAH MOWSIE! So I runnin, an runnin, an runnin, and den Mama Cat cums ober an “halpz” wich just meens stannin her fat butt der and laffin at mee and goin “Just let it go, kid,” and Iz all NO WAYZ DIS IS MAH MOWSIE! But den ya noz wat? I WAZNT PAYIN ATTNSHUN, AN I DROPD DA MOWSIE! IT RAN AWAYZ! An wen I wen ta go getz it MP PIKZ ME UP AND PETZ ME AND SHE’S ALL “WHUT A GOOD GRL.” BUT I KNOWZ ALL SHE DOIN IS HOLDIN ME BACK SO DA MOWSIE CAN GET AWAY!

I donz undrstnz peepls, I jes don.

O! An u no wat elz? MP had littl bird wings fer seknd brkfst 2day and she DINT SHAYR ANY! MEEN! MPz as meen as my bio mom.

Bes prt of da day wuz wen I got ta tayk a napz on top of Grammaz dhewmiddifyr. Datz nys. Itz warm and goz hmmmmmmmm. Much nyser dan my bio mom.

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Sup?

Iz kinda bizzy tuday. Derz a lotz of stuffz goin on in da back yard! Ders da skwirls and leebs (which MP sez rnt alive, jus stuffz dat felld off da treez. Watevs dey moovs lyk dey alyv to mee!) and CHIPMUNKZ. Remin mee to tellz u abt why I hatz the CHIPMUNKZ so much. Dey meen, letz put it dat way. So I gotz to wach dem reel close to mayk shur dey don get in ma HOWSE. Mices r bad enuff. Dey pretty dum tho, so I can kach dem pretty eezy. CHIPMUNKZ IS CLEBBER AND MEAN AND DEY TEEZ MEE ALL DA TYMEZ! Dey sitz owtsyd da window and go “Chip chip chip chip chip chip chip” lyk, FOREBBER, and day NEVER STOPZ ALL NYTE LONG!

Nywayz, I been sittin on da seller stares all mornin wachin the yard for CHIPMUNKZ and stuffz, so I got tyrd fastr dan I uzuly do. I tukz a prtty long snuz on MPz lap wit da fuzzy blanket. Pppl don undrstndz how hardz I wurk arownd heer! Weed b obbrunn by mices and CHIPMUNKZ and doz chirpy bugz dat crunch when u nom dem if I wuznt such a gud huntr!

MC duzznt do NO huntin. She sez she payd her dooz wen she libbed outsydz. She had her “shayr” of huntin! Lyk u can ebber be dun huntin! Da only tym MC helpz iz when I put da mices in da inside rain ting and we wach it run around and skweek befor we playz wit it. Sumtimz I put it in a box insted and MC likez dat too. MP says we like ebbil nazzis of da kitteh wurld cuz we “torchur” annoyin aminalz like mices and bugz. I don no wat a nazzi is but it sownz stoopid, an we not ebbil, we jes habbin funnz. Dey jus mices and bugz! Dey fud! Nuting rong wit playin wit ur fud, ifz u askz mee.

So Iz tuk a nap allreddi an I don no how Iz gonna tayk my reglar nap laytr! I gess Iz gonna haff ta runz arownd alot an mebbe clym da wallz sum. Dat allwayz tyrz mee owt.

OMG I SAWZ A BIGG LEEB! IT WEN FLYIN INTO DA WINNOW AN I JUMPD OUDDA MPz LAP AN RAN STRAYT INTO DA WINNOW TO KATCH IT — SMAK!!! beefor I membrd dat the winnow was der. I totez ment to do dat. It skard away da leef nywayz. DAM LEEBZ!

OK I gotzta go bak to da starez so I can keep my eyz on da winnow. Itz gonna be a loooooong day, I can tellz.

Dis mee takin a napz.

Dis mee takin a napz tooday.

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Oh hai.

Im Elsie, dis iz my blog. Mama Person sez I talks so much I shud haz one. I dunno, tiping iz hard. But I likz other catz blogs I seez arownd I thinkz I cud do dat too!

I dunno, Mama Person nevvr duz her blog, she not a gud roll model. I shud try to du better dan her. I kewlr anywayz. MP writz abowt boreing stuffz. Xsept sumtimes she writz abowt catz, and dat is kewl. I don likez it wen she writz abowt goggies, tho. Goggies are stoopid and day smell bad. I member from da joint.

I wuz born in da joint ya know! Mama Cat sayz wez lucky we fownd peeples we wanted to lib wit. Sum catz don’t getz to haz peeple, and dey has to kach deyr own fewd! I meanz, I likes kaching mices, but I wuddn’t wanna EAT dem! Deyz for playing! Mama Cat sayz wen she libbed outsidez, she hadda katch her own fewd all da timez! She atez birdz and mices and chipmunkz (I HATEZ CHIPMUNKZ!) and watteber she cud katch. She sez it wuz kold and sumtimez SHE GOTTED WET! OMG thatz skery. I hatez gettin wet. When MP getz in dat ting where she makez the rain fall inside, I alwayz clime up on da wipe off thing and yell “GETZ OUTTA DER MAMA PERSON! YOU GET WET!” but she alwayz laffs at me. I gess dey have to makez da rane fallz inside cuz dey don likk demselvs wif deyr tung, wich is stoopid.

Den agin, peeples don smell too much bedder dan goggies, so I gess I wuddnt wanna lick myself eidder if I smelld dat bad.

So dats mah frst post. I gotta go tayk a nap nao. Kthxbai.

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